Confession

Sometimes when I'm embarking on yet another late night adventure, in the midst of all the laughter and momentary happiness, I look at my "historical Palestine" necklace and think: "Would Leila Khaled approve of my loud unfeminine laugh? Would Suad Amiry cuss vulgarly about a person she hates in the company of "friends"? Would Suheir Hammad talk this openly about her love life in a game of Truth and Dare? Would Woroud Qassim side-eye me for wearing this mini skirt without shaving? What would any (and every) Powerful Palestinienne think about me if she met me? Are the dead female martyrs looking at me while rolling in their graves and thinking 'What happened to Palestinian womanhood'? If my mother was my contemporary and went through similar experiences, would she do anything differently?". But then I take a deep breath and remind myself: I am not a symbol or a representative of Women or Palestinians and I am definitely not a representative of both put together. I am my own self; a barely legal jumble of cyber-knowledge, street-smarts, clumsiness and naivety. I try my best to be a good Palestinian Woman. I try my best to be a good person. I try my best to be a good creature. I try my best to be good. I try my best.

I try.

And I hope the foremothers forgive me when I fuck-up.

حابب تعرف كيف طعم الخرى؟

إسأل فلسطيني

Procrastination Laughs

Basically, I should really be studying but instead I'm binging on back-to-back episodes of Community, RuPaul's Drag Race and Russell Simmons' Def Poetry Jam.

Between going to work, watching all of these, occasional reading and microblogging on tumblr I've managed to find some golden gems of music and comedy on Youtube. This is one of my latest and favorite finds: 

The high quality of my finds when I should be doing something else is truly mind-boggling!

Enjoy the laughs :) 

Huda

Letting Go

My last memory of lighting was when God got angry

And the skies opened up wide and let go of all her wrath

All was full of light and shuddering sounds

Raindrops battling the ground

Then silence…

My first memory of you was when God was overjoyed

And the skies opened up wide and let go of all the sunshine

Illuminating your face like you were the source of heat and light which feeds the earth

My heart was full of naïve glee and wonder

Butterflies in my stomach sinking deeper and deeper

My heart, going under

Then silence…

My last memory of us was when God got angry

And the skies opened up wide to shed a tear or two

I realized heartbreak was on its way

Hearing the echo of my heart's tiny pieces pouring down from their place like cruel raindrops

Released from the tight grip of my own emotions

I tried but couldn't let go…

My tears soaked me wet before the rain ever reached my umbrella

I was drenched with pain and an awful aftertaste of unattainable love

Then silence…

My last memory of me was when God forgave me

For being one of those dirty sinners

The skies opened up wide and sucked me into the clouds

And I gravitated for the first time

I let go of you on my way up

And released myself upon arrival

It has been silent ever since

No lighting or rain in my vicinity

Just silence,

Peace,

And serenity…

- Huda M

Occasional Revolutionary

"Damn colonists!"

Happiness according to Hafez

What
Do sad people have in
Common?
It seems
They have all built a shrine
To the past
And often go there
And do a strange wail and
Worship.
What is the beginning of
Happiness?
It is to stop being
So religious
Like That.


-Hāfez

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

I grew up with your beautiful and inspirational poetry, you still impact my life whenever I think of your books, thank you.

هابي فالنطيز داي :)

بتتذكر لمن حكيتلي قرب عيد الحُب؟ 

مكنتش انا ناسيه, بس عملت حالي مش متذكره عشاني مش متعوده اذكر حالي باعياد الحب,

 عشاني عادة بقضيها لحالي.

بتعرف شو بوجع اكتر من معرفه إنو هاد كمان عيد رح اقضيه لحالي؟ كمان يوم رح اقضيه مسبات ع الرأسماليه والكونسومارزم وشو عاملات بعقول المغرمين؟ كمان فالنتاين مكعبله بالتخت بوضعية الجنين, بوكل شوكالاطه وببكي بصوت واطي عشاني منافقه بغار منهم 

بالسر؟

إنك وعدتني مقضيش هاد العيد لحالي زي كل عيد.

وعدتني بحُبك.

  

وانا إنغرمت فيك... 

غرام من النوع المبتذل, 

زي تبع أغاني التسعينات,

 زي تبع افلام ماثيو ماكونوهاي,

زي تبع البنات باعلانات معجون السنان,

حُب من اول كذبه.

+++

بتتذكر لمن تركتني بالضبط قبل عيد الحُب؟ 

وقتها قررت أنسى بـأي تاريخ إحنا وبأي تاريخ الفالنتاين الملعون هاد.

أنساه للأبد...

بس لأ!

"بكرا عيد الحب واكيد الاحباب بدهم يتصلوا فيك كتير, لتغيير نغمة الانتظار لأغنيه رومانسيه إتصل بـ..."

عنجد شكرا سلكوم, 

ما صدقت وأنا انسى...

وبما أنكم قررتوا تذكروني,

بكرا كمان عيد حُب رح البس فيه أسود,

واشتري فيه شوكولاطه ويمكن حتى بوظه من تبعت العلب,

ورح ع الاغلب احضر فيه فيلم بذكرني فيك,

والف حالي بلفحتك,

واتكعبل تحت اللحاف,

وأغنيلك...

"أند أأأأأأأأي, ويل أولوايز لاف يووووو...."

 وأعيّط,

منو ع حالتي المزريه, 

ومنو ع روح عمتنا ويتني هيوستون.

Wild World

"It's hard to get by just upon a smile, girl."

Run, Lola, Run.

The pain within is restless,
it goes and comes and comes and goes like roller coasters
up and down and inside out.
What is more painful than to live in the dark,
is to see the light at the end of the tunnel
and to know
that you are too drained
to ever reach it.